


Spare Me, Mr. Clean

by orphan_account



Series: My Personal Matchmaker is my Cat [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, Lots of Cats, M/M, No Smut, Scary Sakusa, no beta we die like daichi, they are very short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:08:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27930541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Miya Atsumu gets a cat, and Sakusa doesn’t kill her. However, Sakusa has plenty of chances to kill Atsumu with his various cleaning supplies. Let’s see what happens lmao.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Series: My Personal Matchmaker is my Cat [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2049132
Comments: 1
Kudos: 104





	Spare Me, Mr. Clean

**Author's Note:**

> Sakuatsu is like my OTP, so here you go- Sakusa and Atsumu bc I love them.

Miya Atsumu likes exciting things. 

He knows that for sure; knows that the adrenaline that fills him up is what makes him go back for more; the thrill of movement and rapid change; that the entire reason he loves volleyball is the tensing of the muscles, the drip of sweat, the exhilarating exertion that has him limping and sore and completely spent but _overjoyed_.

And yet, he reflects as he sprints, panting, away from the venomous black ball of certain death that is MSBY’s Sakusa Kiyoomi, perhaps he should shave his head, give up his worldly possessions, move to a small cottage in a Swedish mountain and live the rest of his days in peace and quiet. 

Atsumu darts into a hallway and curses when he realizes it’s a dead end with only a room containing an ice machine- his only choice is to duck into the room and hope Sakusa passes the hallway. 

No such luck, for the hallway soon fills with what might as well be thunderclouds and rainstorms, because Sakusa utters a soft, “ _Miya_.” that has Atsumu shuddering in fear. 

He whispers a quick, “ _Kami-sama, don’t give Osamu my Pokémon cards_ ,” and steps into the open. 

Atsumu gulps, because Sakusa’s face is terrifying- dark brows drawn in stormy anger, face mask removed to show the full force of his scowl. 

“O-Omi-kun,” tried Atsumu, “Uh. D-Don’t kill me...?” 

Sakusa brandishes his weapon of choice- a bottle of Isopropyl Alcohol- menacingly, and Atsumu flinches backward. Sakusa is very capable when armed. 

Sakusa, ever merciless, growls out a, “You know _exactly. What. You. Did_.” 

In the face of such terrible imminent danger, Atsumu’s regrets flash before his eyes in a quick montage of strangely high-quality videos:  
_He’s running down the hallway, grabbing the handle of Sakusa’s apartment door and throwing it open, mouth opening in an excited shout._

__

_From an angled camera shot Atsumu sees it happen- the door crashes into a stool that has been moved in front of it, which in turn makes impact with Sakusa Kiyoomi (furiously scrubbing the floor); Sakusa flings out a hand to stop his fall._

__

_In slow motion- as if everything’s moving through syrup, prolonging the horror of the moment- Sakusa’s elbow collides with a trash can filled to the brim with wipes, dust and various unidentifiable pieces, and it topples over with a clang._

__

_Atsumu watches in horror as everything spills onto the once-pristine floor; the Atsumu in the video claps a hand over his mouth and squeaks as video-Sakusa’s dark eyes turn toward him ever so slowly_.

The real Sakusa breaks him out of his death trance, and jerks him back into his current (life-threatening) experience. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

Atsumu gulps, pressing his back against the dead end. “Omi-kun, I swear I’ll help ya clean up!” 

“ _You_?” Sakusa laughs, the sound further draining the blood from Atsumu’s face. “I’d never trust you with such a sacred ritual.”

“Did ya just say ‘sacred ritual’ unironically?” Atsumu can’t help himself.

At this quip, Sakusa takes out another spray bottle- a gray one this time, with light yellow patterns.

Atsumu swears he hears the axe of death fall; he collapses to his knees and begs, “ _No!_ Omi-kun, not the gray and yellow one!” 

“Then _tell me_ ,” Sakusa’s eyes glitter dangerously, and he wiggles the spray bottle,“what you were doing, _barging_ into my apartment like that when you know I clean at this specific time. Every. day.” 

He’d completely forgotten the reason for intruding in his haste to escape. Perhaps it will save his life. “Oh! I came to tell ya that Koko-chan had kittens!” 

Koko is Atsumu’s cat- one with silky black fur and heterochromia; one gold eye and one blue-gray.  
She is completely and shamelessly coddled by Atsumu, who openly admits to spoiling her, to the great consternation of the vet.  
Not to mention she’s the only animal Sakusa tolerates- he says that “Cats actually clean themselves, and are therefore acceptable.”(Acceptable! His Koko-chan, _acceptable_! Pshh)

Indeed, upon hearing this news, Sakusa’s wrath diminishes somewhat, and he puts away the ominous yellow-gray bottle. “Ah. Congratulations.” 

Atsumu beams both in relief and genuine happiness, and at the sight of the smile Sakusa seems to make a kind of squeaking noise before it’s quickly muffled. “Thanks, Omi-omi! I’m gonna go pick her up from the vet’s now!”

Sakusa nods, stepping away from the entrance of the hallway to let him through. “Don’t forget, though, Miya- you owe me for letting you live.” 

Atsumu clears his throat nervously at the reminder. “Ah. Yes. Thank ya for not killing me. Now I will go get Koko and her kittens.” 

Atsumu can’t keep the smile off his face as he exits MSBY’s apartment to head to the vet’s office. 

The vet himself asks Atsumu if his face is okay (“Miya-san, are you sure you’re not having tics? Spasms, perhaps?”), and Koko, complete with five new kittens- all black- just looks up at him with motherly exasperation.

Cats. They know everything.

Atsumu brings home the six balls of fur, still grinning like a madman; Sakusa has finished cleaning, apparently, because he slips in Atsumu’s apartment.  
Atsumu tries and fails to suppress his blush when he sees Sakusa’s mouth open in wonder as he holds a small black cat. 

Koko approves of Sakusa, apparently, and he’s adopted into their cat family.

 _Pathetic_ , Atsumu thinks. _I’m pining for The Sakusa Kiyoomi, who is probably only my friend for my cats_. 

But as he watches the kittens crawl all over Sakusa (who’s trying hard not to look pleased), the golden afternoon light shining through the windows and framing them angelically, he thinks that maybe it’s alright.

Cats, after all, can cause unexpected things to happen. 

_I’m trusting you, Koko-chan,_ Atsumu thinks, trying to project his thoughts into Koko’s mind. _Make my love life good, kitty_.

Koko just glares at him.

**Author's Note:**

> This’ll be a short series, guys, so don’t worry! Atsumu will get his man


End file.
